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The Worst of the Worst: Captain Falcon Mains | Peek&Co
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Captain Falcon is one of the most well-known characters from Super Smash Bros. from one of the least played games represented in the franchise. If you enjoy playing as the flaming racer, this article isn’t for you.

Almost everyone involved in competitive Melee is still under this weird impression that Captain Falcon is a viable character in Melee, which is incredibly odd considering he’s never won a single National. Anyone who’s ever uttered the phrase 20GX in a non-ironic way spends their free-time crying themselves to sleep at night and creaming their pants over weird Westballz combo videos. Honestly, the biggest contribution Falcon mains have made to Melee’s metagame is the sacred combo, and that’s just because it’s the only combo that is guaranteed to make Mike Haze cry and go home.

Your Flagship Mains:


Ol’ Smoke2Jointz has one of the most recognizable Falcons, as well as one of the limited vocabularies. If you ever find a video of S2J speaking that is not punctuated by the word “pussy”, please let me know because I’ve been searching for the past year.


Probably the most notable player on our list, n0ne’s biggest claim to fame is defeating an aging Melee god who hadn’t lost to a Falcon in almost a decade...only to lose to Lucky, the poor man’s Mango, later in the same tournament.


Wizzy is still very young. I’m pretty sure he entered his first tournament invitro. As a player, he’s considered a contender for best Melee Falcon, but if I’m being honest, Captain Falcon is a phase he’ll most likely grow out of. Much like the scene/emo phase that plagued our childhoods, it will be fun at the time, but embarrassing as hell to look back on in the future.That’s about it. Your flock is fleeing, Captain.

When all's said and done, I still stand by the fact that Hax$ was the best Falcon to ever Falcon punch, and even he thinks the character is literal trash, opting to play Fox instead. Most of us have had a Captain Falcon phase, the smart ones just wise-up, admit we have a problem, and start going to AA meetings sooner. But, hey, we all have different rock bottoms.

What Really Sucks?

I’m not really sure what’s worse, Captain Falcon’s recovery or the mentality of his mains. Sure, he can’t recover versus any member of the cast with a decent down tilt, but have you ever heard one of these kids talk? They constantly talk about “disrespect” and “styling” on the competition, as if Captain Falcon was the only character with a down air. To be honest, I’m about two tournaments away from jumping the next person who tries to pretend a combo ending with “the knee” is hype.

What Might Not Suck?

Your neutral and your punishes, plain and simple. Captain Falcon is a high risk-high reward character. Sometimes the momentum is in your favor, and you manage to turn every up-air into a knee for that early kill. Other times, you get knocked off the stage by your local Donkey Kong main, and you spend the rest of your stocks trying to get around his “broken” down tilt. Players that commit to the character, put in the work, learn how to consistently win neutral and refine their punish game, those players are a force to be reckoned with. They’re persistent, knowledgeable, and they make the character look unbeatable; at the end of the day, isn’t that what playing Melee is really about?

Author’s Note

As I did last time, I want to give a huge shout out to Mark Nestico, he was a major inspiration for this series. And, of course, I hope you all can read between the lines and see that this article is drenched in sarcasm and misinformation. If you don’t see that, then I guess feel free to shower me with your hateful rage?

About The Author

Michael is a fiction and poetry writer, having been published in magazines, literary journals and literary anthologies like: Maudlin House, Spark Literary Magazine, Atlas and Alice, Pigeon Holes and many more. In his spare time, he likes to be mediocre at Smash 4 and practically intolerable at Melee.

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