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There are tons of Marth mains, literally tons, they’re huge and terrible and this article is for everyone who isn’t currently maining the sassy swordsmen.

Marth is considered garbage until some redditor makes a cool mew2king forever combo video, and then suddenly everyone wants to hop on the aging Asian’s band wagon. It’s been more than a decade since Ken introduced us to the Ken combo, and honestly, it’s still the most interesting thing you’re going to see anyone do with Marth. Oh did you dash dance to dash dance to dash dance into dash attack? I didn’t see that coming at all! You’re revolutionizing the meta!

Mango picked up Marth for two seconds and we haven’t seen him pull it out since. Know why? Because 20BC was about ten years ago, and no one wants to hop into that “down-air”-ing, FD counter picking time machine.

Your Flagship Mains:

Mew2King

Yeah, yeah, this is the first choice for any aspiring Marth main, and the guy still picks Sheik and Fox more in high-level play. Sure, he’s a god, but the reign of the king has been over for more than a few years. If he keeps going down the path he’s on, there's a chance he becomes a relic not unlike Ken. A more focused regime might help m2k, but even the most dedicated coach would have trouble making Ken relevant in today’s meta.

PPMD

I’m not even going to touch this one, honestly. Suffice to say, his recent performances speak more than my tongue-in-cheek article ever will.

PPU

PewPew’s biggest claim to fame is that he was able to overcome the incestuous mountain climbers that Fly Amanita mains. I guess, if you ever find yourself feeling bad about where you’re at in melee as a novice, just try to cling to the fact that all you need to do to make a name for yourself is beat a non-threat at a tournament with a character they're pretty good at beating sometimes.

So maybe you’re underrepresented in the current metagame… who am I kidding, SFAT has a pocket Marth and you know that’s doing almost nothing for him. But please keep telling me how your Fire Emblem character is going to make a comeback against the space furries next EVO, because I’ll be sitting in the twitch chat waiting patiently for your pleasant rebuttals.

But sure, I can give you guys some leeway. You’re character takes a lot of practice. There's this art to Marth that other characters don’t seem to have. You can play patiently by fairing into fair into fair into fair into fair into fair into… fair? You can play strategically by doing brain dead chain grabs over and over until you reach an appropriate percent to spam f-smash for the stock. Or you can play a well-rounded game by sucking so hard that you switch to fox or throw a controller at someone.

What Really Sucks?

Everyone seems to have a Marth these days, and even worse, every “god” seems to have a Marth these days, and that just helps to perpetuate this circle-jerking myth that the character is divine. Oh you’re trying to recover? Counter. Oh you’re trying to snap to ledge? D-Tilt.

How do you do it? You must be magic. Your mastery of the game is far superior to mine. But for real, Marth brings out the elitist in some people. The idea that by going slightly lower in the tier list to pick a character without a shine somehow makes you better than everyone else is pretty overdone. And frankly, that sucks.

What Might Not Suck?

Alright, fine. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t super stoked every time Mew2King performed well. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t super excited to see Mango rock Marth at a competitive level. There is something inherently magical about watching a well-versed Marth main play. There is something honest about the character. Sure, his grab extends further than the hitbox on Roy’s sword, but for the most part, Marth is just a well-rounded guy with a stick. And seeing someone succeed with such a, pardon my French, basic character, is beautiful.

So take from that what you will, and maybe focus on relating to what the character’s strengths really are - having a lot of relatively effective options in a vast majority of situations.

Or maybe just keep spamming F-smash at your locals, because that seems to working out just as well.

Author’s Note

I just wanted to put a few words down here before you all start trying to burn me at the stake. First, a huge credit to Mark Nestico, he was a major inspiration for this article. I remember back in the day I used to play a ton of Magic the Gathering, and his sarcastic tongue-in-cheek articles had a way of poking fun at an otherwise very serious and strategic game. So this article, this series, is heavily influenced by him, and if you’re familiar with his work, you probably already noticed that.

Secondly, I hope you all can read between the lines and see that this article is drenched in sarcasm and misinformation. If not, I don’t really care. If so, I also really… don’t care.

About The Author

Michael is a fiction and poetry writer, having been published in magazines, literary journals and literary anthologies like: Maudlin House, Spark Literary Magazine, Atlas and Alice, Pigeon Holes and many more. In his spare time, he likes to be mediocre at Smash 4 and practically intolerable at Melee.

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